This is a strictly friends and guys update. Here goes.
Friends: ***** and I are no longer friends. Why you might ask? Because of a project in school that we were working on with two other people. And she didn't put her stuff on and I told her she needed to and yep! She must've gotten pissed or something because now we don't talk. At all. Period. She hates me. And she is STILL waiting for me to email her and apologize and say how sorry I am for whatever the hell I did. But I didn't do anything. So I won't be apologizing for anything I didn't do. I feel kind of lighter now that we aren't friends. IDK I just feel like I am not being judged about everything. She is way to sensitive about what other people are thinking about her. So now I wear what I want and know I won't be judged. Plus! Now I am friends with *******. She is actually a really nice person. And I am glad I got to figure that out on my own because otherwise I would still not like her simply because ***** told me she was mean. Okay, guess we should move along here.
Guys: Well ****** and I are on good terms I guess. He flirted with me at one point which weirded me out because like, he IS dating someone...... Anyways, I like ******* now and he is a much better guy to like probably. Even though I do still like ****** a little. You can't completely turn off a crush! UGH! And then there is ****** who really likes me and keeps trying different tactics to ask me out or something. It's really awkward and I don't like him that way.... Oh well.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Cookies
For the most part I am happy with who I am. However there is so much pressure from magazines, TV and media that you have to fit into this cookie cutter person. You have to be thin. You should be tall. Whats in this season will be out next season. Nobody is pretty enough to leave the house without foundation on. Your nails should always look good and be painted the color of that season. Your hair should look nice. You need to get good grades. If you don't get A's and B's C's are not average. C's are bad. Nobody gets C's. If you do get a C it's bad. End of story. If you dress differently you're weird. Unless you start a trend. But you have to be weird at first. If you were heels you may be labeled as a slut, skank or whore. If you wear Converse, you are so last year. Nike's, military boots anything like that are in. If your clothing is too tight you are an immediate slut. If your hair looks weird, you're weird. Thats the cookie cutter image.
Friday, December 10, 2010
From: Friday December 9, 2010
Friday December 9, 2010
So it is Friday and thats a good thing. Sunday I have auditions for a show which is exciting!!! Especially since ****** said she already has a role picked for me!! Hopefully thats true. Anyways then Monday are dance auditions for Grease. I am not super nervous about that but I probably will be by 3:00 on Monday! lol. I need to read a lot this weekend of Huck Finn. Fun, fun! Then either Tuesday, or Wednesday I will be auditioning, for the singing part of the musical. That I can say pretty freely I am VERY nervous for... Especially since I don't feel like I know the song too well... Gotta practice some more. On the guy front things aren't good. The guy I like is dating someone now. Someone that absolutely hates me. At first I kind of understood why she hated me, we liked the same guy (that didn't mean that I didn't like her though). And now that she is dating him she still hates me, so I am totally unsure what is going on but obviously it is her own problem that she needs to fix. And its been about two weeks since they started dating so now that it has set in I am happy for him, honestly. Of course at first I was and still am a little mad at him. He seemed like he liked me. It was so obvious!! Even if you were blind you would say he liked me. And everyone said they were so sure that he liked me. But then along came Polly, er not Polly but another girl. And yeah he has known her longer than he has known me and he knew that she has liked him a really long time. But anyways I probably made it pretty obvious I was mad at ****** when I saw him walking down the hall that day I found out. Every single time we turn this corner every day we make eye contact. And then usually he looks away first and obviously we keep walking. Well I think I may have *possibly* given him a pissed off look because then his eyes got big and I looked away. And then after that he has just seemed pissed at me. Even though I am over being mad at him for the most part when he talked to me once in the past two weeks he sounded all angry... who knows why. I think he knows that I like him. I told ****** and he told ******* and she probably told ***** because they seem like they are best friends and she probably said something like 'don't talk to her, she flirts with you.' or something like that, when really I suck at flirting with ******. I just talk to him like he is any other guy. And then there is my friend ****** who said 'I knew ****** would ask ***** out.' Which was really a great thing to tell me the day I found out they were dating and I was pretty mad at ****** because maybe she should have told me earlier before they started dating!!!!! UGH! Anyways now I am scared for auditions because we will probably have to read as lovers or something onstage and I'll freak out and break character and hopefully still be able to do a semi-good job. Just not a good situation.
As far as friends go, things are pretty good. ***** and I are having a Christmas party next Saturday. So we'll see how that goes.
So it is Friday and thats a good thing. Sunday I have auditions for a show which is exciting!!! Especially since ****** said she already has a role picked for me!! Hopefully thats true. Anyways then Monday are dance auditions for Grease. I am not super nervous about that but I probably will be by 3:00 on Monday! lol. I need to read a lot this weekend of Huck Finn. Fun, fun! Then either Tuesday, or Wednesday I will be auditioning, for the singing part of the musical. That I can say pretty freely I am VERY nervous for... Especially since I don't feel like I know the song too well... Gotta practice some more. On the guy front things aren't good. The guy I like is dating someone now. Someone that absolutely hates me. At first I kind of understood why she hated me, we liked the same guy (that didn't mean that I didn't like her though). And now that she is dating him she still hates me, so I am totally unsure what is going on but obviously it is her own problem that she needs to fix. And its been about two weeks since they started dating so now that it has set in I am happy for him, honestly. Of course at first I was and still am a little mad at him. He seemed like he liked me. It was so obvious!! Even if you were blind you would say he liked me. And everyone said they were so sure that he liked me. But then along came Polly, er not Polly but another girl. And yeah he has known her longer than he has known me and he knew that she has liked him a really long time. But anyways I probably made it pretty obvious I was mad at ****** when I saw him walking down the hall that day I found out. Every single time we turn this corner every day we make eye contact. And then usually he looks away first and obviously we keep walking. Well I think I may have *possibly* given him a pissed off look because then his eyes got big and I looked away. And then after that he has just seemed pissed at me. Even though I am over being mad at him for the most part when he talked to me once in the past two weeks he sounded all angry... who knows why. I think he knows that I like him. I told ****** and he told ******* and she probably told ***** because they seem like they are best friends and she probably said something like 'don't talk to her, she flirts with you.' or something like that, when really I suck at flirting with ******. I just talk to him like he is any other guy. And then there is my friend ****** who said 'I knew ****** would ask ***** out.' Which was really a great thing to tell me the day I found out they were dating and I was pretty mad at ****** because maybe she should have told me earlier before they started dating!!!!! UGH! Anyways now I am scared for auditions because we will probably have to read as lovers or something onstage and I'll freak out and break character and hopefully still be able to do a semi-good job. Just not a good situation.
As far as friends go, things are pretty good. ***** and I are having a Christmas party next Saturday. So we'll see how that goes.
From: Thursday September 2, 2010
Thursday September 2, 2010
Today are auditions for ‘A Midsummer Nights Dream’. I am nervous. I am sure once it is 3:00, the time auditions start I will be much more nervous. Once someone told me that nerves are good. That nerves make you do better. But that was for a show. Not auditions.
I am meeting with a bunch of teachers today. B block I am meeting with Mrs. ********. C block I am meeting with *** and H block I am meeting with *****. Hopefully I won’t have any math homework and I won’t have to go to the Math Lab, otherwise I won’t be able to do my math work!
Today are auditions for ‘A Midsummer Nights Dream’. I am nervous. I am sure once it is 3:00, the time auditions start I will be much more nervous. Once someone told me that nerves are good. That nerves make you do better. But that was for a show. Not auditions.
I am meeting with a bunch of teachers today. B block I am meeting with Mrs. ********. C block I am meeting with *** and H block I am meeting with *****. Hopefully I won’t have any math homework and I won’t have to go to the Math Lab, otherwise I won’t be able to do my math work!
From: Wednesday September 1, 2010
Wednesday September 1, 2010
Today in sceince we did five LABS. They seemed kind of dangerous so I was hoping we would get paired with the person we were sitting next to. Why? Because the person I am sitting next to is a guy who doesn’t seem like the kind of person to care about doing something like that. And I do care so I would just pretty much watch the experiment. However my hope was dashed when he said we got to pick our parters. I looked at ****** who was making eye contact with ******. I asked ****** if I could join her group (you have a group of three or four). Her response was ‘I don’t care.’ I didn’t think that made me feel very wanted but it was a group and this way I wouldn’t get stuck with a bunch of guys. So as I am getting up I decided to ask ****** if I would be able to join her group, hoping for a better response. However I got the same response, ‘I don’t care.’ Then I see ****** leaning over and whispering to some girl I don’t know with a piece of paper blocking my view so I can’t see what she is saying. the girl glanced at me and then nods her head. ‘We have four’ ****** says to me, looking up. I have always thought of ****** as a friend and hoped she would stick up for me because we are friends, right? But ******, ****** and their two friends walked away leaving me standing there. I know this is not a very nice thing to think, but I always got the vibe that ****** never liked me that much. So I could think when I saw her was ‘b*tch.’ And let me tell you, right then and there I thought that was the perfect thing to say to the girl who never liked me. Obviously I didn’t say it to her but I thought that every single time I saw her that day. And why doesn't she like me? Because I was friends with ******. Notice the ‘was’. She is obviously pretty bad too. I hate it when I am someones back up plan. Because their preferable friend isn’t there so lets be partners.
I ended up being partners with ******, some guy and another girl. The other girl, I think her name is ******* was nice to me, and I think she saw the whole ******, ****** thing. My next class is Geo. I am hoping that will go well… since I had a pretty horrible start to the day.
Today in sceince we did five LABS. They seemed kind of dangerous so I was hoping we would get paired with the person we were sitting next to. Why? Because the person I am sitting next to is a guy who doesn’t seem like the kind of person to care about doing something like that. And I do care so I would just pretty much watch the experiment. However my hope was dashed when he said we got to pick our parters. I looked at ****** who was making eye contact with ******. I asked ****** if I could join her group (you have a group of three or four). Her response was ‘I don’t care.’ I didn’t think that made me feel very wanted but it was a group and this way I wouldn’t get stuck with a bunch of guys. So as I am getting up I decided to ask ****** if I would be able to join her group, hoping for a better response. However I got the same response, ‘I don’t care.’ Then I see ****** leaning over and whispering to some girl I don’t know with a piece of paper blocking my view so I can’t see what she is saying. the girl glanced at me and then nods her head. ‘We have four’ ****** says to me, looking up. I have always thought of ****** as a friend and hoped she would stick up for me because we are friends, right? But ******, ****** and their two friends walked away leaving me standing there. I know this is not a very nice thing to think, but I always got the vibe that ****** never liked me that much. So I could think when I saw her was ‘b*tch.’ And let me tell you, right then and there I thought that was the perfect thing to say to the girl who never liked me. Obviously I didn’t say it to her but I thought that every single time I saw her that day. And why doesn't she like me? Because I was friends with ******. Notice the ‘was’. She is obviously pretty bad too. I hate it when I am someones back up plan. Because their preferable friend isn’t there so lets be partners.
I ended up being partners with ******, some guy and another girl. The other girl, I think her name is ******* was nice to me, and I think she saw the whole ******, ****** thing. My next class is Geo. I am hoping that will go well… since I had a pretty horrible start to the day.
Introduction to My Life
I am a junior in High School right now and life is pretty stressful. Especially the school part. I have always been told that Junior year is the hardest but I decided to figure that out for myself. Well, everyone was right, so far junior year has been my hardest year yet. I am not really sure why. Math is difficult as usual along with science (unfortunately there is no room designated to help with science... yet. Keep your fingers crossed!!) I think it's also been hard to keep up in other subjects homework as well because when I am at home what is supposed to motivate me to do my homework? Not much. I realize I could be cleaning my room or working out, emailing friends or trying a new makeup look. Guess I'm going to have to get better at it!
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